More than once in my life, I have tried to make myself enjoy the English Premier League. As a late 20-something with a vaguely elitist bend and fatalistic anglophilic sensibilities, it always felt like a natural evolution of my sports fandom. 

As a bandwagoning American, you’re faced with two bad options when picking a rooting interest.

The normie option is to pick a big four/big six team that will spend money, compete for trophies, and play in the kinds of games you can actually wa…