Welcome to the first free edition of the Breakfast Kegger.
For those of you who pay your toll to read our sports words on the daily, y’all already know the drill and can just keep on scrolling.
For those of you who are new here, welcome to the show!
While we feel pretty good about charging less than $0.50 a day for our Buckeye words and all the other things this glorious website has to offer, D.J. Byrnes and I have decided to open things up once a week, giving you all a chance to consume approximately 1/6th of our neurotic thoughts totally free of charge.
D.J. and I rotate daily duties, so the freeloaders are stuck with me today. Next Thursday, you’ll have D.J. Then I’ll be back the following Thursday β you get the picture.
… or, you could simply pony up the coin and join us six days a week at 5:30 a.m. sharp.
Regardless, here’s a little taste of what you’ve been missing.
- TWO TEAMS TO RULE THEM ALL
With all due respect to the reigning national champions, there are only two good teams in college football. I’m #blessed to say that my team is one of them.
Ignoring the fact that Jaxon Smith-Njigba is ranked egregiously low for a guy who might go down as the best receiver in college football history, the most hilarious part about this graphic is you could (correctly) argue that TreVeyon Henderson belongs in that five spot over Bijan Robinson. That would give Ohio State and Alabama the five best players in college football.
I’m well aware that these are the type of words I’m probably going to regret typing the instant The Local Team trails Notre Dame by more than three points in a couple of weeks, but it ain’t even September and this season already just feels like a collision course between Ohio State and Alabama with a few speedbumps in the middle.
Here’s hoping I’m right, and that Nick Saban leaves Los Angeles in a hearse (Metaphorically, of course. Everyone knows he’s immortal).
- THE NCAA IS BASICALLY JUST A VESTIGIAL ORGAN
I’ve been waiting a long time for the folks that matter in college football to realize that the sport “needs” the NCAA in the same way we “need” our appendix. It’s fine and probably has a positive impact when everything’s going right, but the minute it starts acting up, we cut that puppy right out with no second thoughts.
Well, it seems the College Football Playoff is thinking about doing some cutting.
From Pete Thamel of ESPN:
Multiple sources told ESPN that the Board of Managers briefly discussed the possibility of restructuring how college football is governed, with the idea presented of major college football potentially being governed outside of the NCAA. The most logical place for the sport to be run outside of the NCAA would be under the auspices of the CFP, which was discussed on the call. The CFP currently oversees the sport’s postseason playoff and has contractual ties to other marquee postseason bowl games.
Sources cautioned that these discussions are in such early stages that it could be considered the first steps of a complicated process that would resemble a marathon. The sources added that the group spoke about the idea for only about five minutes, as it was raised as something the group should think more about down the line.
The conversation is significant, however, in that it’s the first known discussion among a group that would seemingly have the power to put such a plan in action. And the CFP looms as the most likely destination for running major college football outside the NCAA.
To quote our nation’s beloved poet and philosopher, Lizzo β it’s about damn time.
For those unaware, the NCAA doesn’t even really run FBS football or determine the national title the way it does for other sports. The organization’s only real purpose is to write, enforce, and interpret the rules and regulations β and they’re notoriously shitty at all three of those things!
The NCAA is a gutless and painfully inept organization that hordes money like goblins at the expense of the athletes who actually make the whole thing run.
It can’t possibly be kicked to the curb soon enough.
- LARRY JOHNSON IS AN AGELESS WONDER
I want to make one thing very clear β if I miraculously make it to age 69 (nice), there’s not a chance in hell I’m still going to be grinding out Internet words for your daily consumption. Lord willing, I’ll be coasting on the spoils of a life spent as a trophy husband.
But 69-year-old Larry Johnson has no use for retirement. He is, as the kids used to say, built different.
From Dan Hope of Eleven Warriors:
βMy retirement plan is way away from here,β Johnson said. βI enjoy coaching. And the day that I stop enjoying coaching and having passion for what I do, then I’ll do that. But I don’t get up in the morning and say, βWell, this is it.β I don’t do that. That’s not the way I function. I get up every morning dying to get into this building and coach those guys. And when I can’t do that anymore, itβll tell me. But right now, I’m not telling myself anything. I gotta get going. Itβs time to go play a game.β
This is tremendous news because there are still several five-star players who he has not yet turned into full-fledged mutants. I’m gonna need to at least see Jack Sawyer and J.T. Tuimoloau reach their final forms before he calls it quits.
- THAT’S DAVE BRANDON’S MUSIC!
Remember that one time Michigan football was down so bad that they gave away two free tickets to a conference home game with the purchase of two Coca-Cola products?
Well, it looks like Dave Brandon’s marketing genius really rubbed off on the Gophers.
To be fair to Minnesota, giving away two tickets to a lackluster nonconference game for the price of three frozen pizzas is not an apples-to-apples comparison to Michigan’s bullshit. Also, it’s Minnesota β do what you gotta do.
However, it would be an objectively hilarious troll if they pulled this promotion out one more time the next time the Wolverines visit.
- BRONNY JAMES, COME ON DOWN!
I get that it’s the college football preseason, LeBron James’ son could very realistically land at Ohio State and almost nobody in Buckeyeland is even addressing it. It’s very weird to me.
So I guess I will do it. I will talk about the most high-profile basketball recruit since (at least) Zion Williamson considering the Buckeyes.
And as this whole process shakes out, it might be wise if Chris Holtmann just handed the keys to Bronny’s recruitment to Kendrick Perkins. Because my guy went harder on this recruiting pitch than he did on that hard screen on Jae Crowder.
Ultimately, I have absolutely no idea where Bronny’s going to end up. But it’s become quite clear that Ohio State is an actual contender. And frankly, that’s enough to have me genuinely intrigued.
- TALENTED TEEN DECIDES ON DIFFERENT TEAM
For the next couple of weeks, bad news for Notre Dame doubles as good news for the Local Team, but that’s especially true today as five-star EDGE Keon Keeley has announced his commitment from the Irish, presumably to go to a better team.
I will never masquerade as a recruiting-knower, but word is Keeley’s recruitment will probably come down to Ohio State vs. Alabama, in a shocking turn of events.
If the Bucks can mess around and land Keeley and Matayo Uiagalelei, I think I might be ready to call Larry Johnson a good recruiter. But it’s still too early!
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