Breakfast Kegger: It Was All Good a Week Ago

Brutus Buckeye adrift at sea

I should be looking forward to a majestic December excursion to Indianapolis this week. Just last week, I was talking to my girlfriend about going. And she was perplexed about my wanting to buy the tickets before The Game was actually played.

That’s how this works, baby. You’re either in, or you’re out. Thankfully I didn’t pull the trigger on those tickets. Why go to Indianapolis when you could go to a playoff game in a warm locale and spend the weekend biking?

Well, look at me now. Broke and living under a bridge, eating SPAM warmed over a campfire every night.

Maybe we’ll get lucky and back into the playoffs. I would bitch and moan until the game started. I’ll never not take a puncher’s chance against anyone—even Michigan. Especially Michigan.

  • DAY AVOIDS EXTRADITION TO THE HAGUE (FOR NOW)

I wrote in the immediate aftermath of The Game that Ryan Day should be fired. I still would not shed a tear if an NFL team poached him tomorrow.

But the tip of my spear was Day’s apparent decision to punt on Michigan’s side of the field while trailing by four points midway through the third quarter. Ohio State punted into the end zone, and Michigan drove the ensuing 80 yards for the seven points that broke the Buckeye’s spirits.

Turns out, that play could have won the game for Ohio State.

From Stephen Means of cleveland.com:

“We got so lucky,” Harbaugh said during the Big Ten Championship Game Coaches Webinar on Sunday. “One of the fourth downs, they had a fake on, and they had us. I mean, they had us cold.”

If you have somehow avoided hearing about this play until now, look away. You don’t want this image on your soul for the rest of your life.

That said, you’ve been warned.

https://twitter.com/AceAnbender/status/1597315834581770240

That’s me being a homer to say Ohio State wins the game if it successfully executes a fake punt. It won’t change the game’s outcome for me to believe that until my dying day. But I will.

Some people might see the fake punt as bush league. I don’t. Michigan threw a jump pass that put a touchdown on a silver platter.

What’s funny is Harbaugh said they had four meetings about it. Could tell Ohio State was going to fake by personnel alone. And every single one of them missed it! That’s the kind of mental break that happens in The Rivalry despite the hyper-focused nature of the blood feud.

Thems the breaks. Despite the third-string long snapper’s fuck-up, Ohio State didn’t lose the game on that play alone. It lost the game on everything that happened next.

  • DO WE STILL LOVE OUR VEGAN GRANDPA, FOLKS?

Michigan cut out Ohio State’s heart in that ensuing drive after what we now know was a botched fake punt. (Credit to Day, by the way, for refusing to throw his players under the bus after the game. A lesser man would have had no problem shifting the blame onto the shoulders of a third-string long-snapper.)

After that punch to the jaw, Jim Knowles’ defense regressed to the sieve of last season.

From Patrick Murphy of 247sports.com:

A team that struggled to throw the ball consistently all season managed 278 yards and three touchdowns through the air. Quarterback J.J. McCarthy, who came into the game thought to be the weak point in this offense, accounted for most of that and had four total touchdowns.

Despite an injury to Heisman Trophy contender running back Blake Corum, the Maize and Blue still rushed for 252 yards in the game. Sophomore Donovan Edwards had a career-high 216 yards and two touchdowns.

“It’s football,” Knowles said. “You just gotta take responsibility. Obviously, the players are hurting much more than me. I’m crushed. But they’re young men who put their heart and soul into it. So they’re the ones that I have to be able to look in the eye and talk about all those things that you said, scheme, technique, fundamentals. Everything that goes into it has to fall on my shoulders.”

Going into the season, Ohio State didn’t need a top-10 defense. Just one that could generate takeaways and timely stops.

Knowles upped the ante when he arrived, saying he expected a Top-5 defense. He delivered on that for 98% of the season. Now he clearly understands how you can pass 98% of the course and still receive a failing grade on the season.

He deserves a chance to replenish the cornerbacks room whether that includes moving on from cornerbacks coach Tim Walton or not.

  • IT’S FINE TO CRITICIZE PLAYERS

Every time Oho State loses, you can set your watch to the most wretched creatures in the state crawling out of the sewer to say stuff on the internet they would never personally say to a player’s face.

The Michigan game was apparently no different:

The fans who go out of their way to tag players and say grossly personal things are losers.

However, nobody on Ohio State’s roster is a “kid.” They’re men who sought high-stakes positions that come with many perks. With those perks come some downsides, like every job.

Take C.J. Stroud’s comments after The Game:

To say this is an annoying comment becoming of a frontrunner doesn’t mean that I hate Stroud, wish him ill, or think he sucks. He’s one of the best quarterbacks in university history. But he’ll never be welcomed into the upper pantheon because of the attitude revealed by this quote.

Stroud is not a child. He made seven figures this year. He can handle it.

  • WE’RE LOSING FAMILY RECIPES!

The worst part about Michigan’s current run in The Rivalry is that a Michigan Man named Cade with frosted tips sparked the turnaround.

Unfortunately we missed our last chance at avenging the 2021 loss with Cade throwing the deuces to Ann Arbor:

McNamara and J.J. McCarthy are the two quarterbacks that subjected Ohio State. It’s almost unbelievable, considering neither of them can consistently throw the ball to any receiver with a defender standing within a 10-foot radius.

  • NATIONAL FOOTBALL “REPORTER” NOT BE A SCUMBAG CHALLENGE (LEVEL IMPOSSIBLE)

It’s hard to get too ambitious in the sports writing game when you realize that 95% of national reporters got into their position by carrying water for the biggest scumbags they cover, which I was initially naive to think was the antithesis of the job.

Hilarious that Low is running propaganda for Hugh Freeze, of all people. He hasn’t even won a national championship!

Media criticism aside, don’t get lost in the news about Auburn hiring Freeze: It clears the way for Liberty head ball coach Urban Meyer.

THOSE WMDs. The everyday, eco-friendly actions that save you money at home… How hospice became a for-profit hustle… New York’s grand dame of dog poisoning… The world’s messiest advice… Inside the proton.