Gotta say, folks. It’s been rough getting sleep this week knowing that Pat Fitzgerald and his army of future accountants have undoubtedly been burning the midnight oil in preparation of Saturday’s game.
What could he possibly be cooking??? My mind reels in horror. Let’s get this party started before I suffer an anxiety attack of thinking about a little Fitzy razzle-dazzle.
- KEEP THE BUMS ON THE BLOCK!
The Big Ten will euthanize divisions in 2024. That day cannot come soon enough. I wish we could have gone straight from the BCS era to a 16-team playoffs and eliminated the division and championship game entirely. But I’m only one man.
Ohio State and Michigan will continue to play every year for obvious reasons. Keeping Penn State on the schedule seems like a no-brainer, too, but that’s less of a certainty than the Buckeyes’ blood rivals.
From Nathan Baird of cleveland.com:
With the Big Ten expected to eliminate divisions in a 16-team league beginning in 2024, OSU’s annual battles with its Big Ten East rivals could become less frequent. Trips to Happy Valley, however, will likely remain on the Buckeyes’ schedule indefinitely.
Ohio State athletic director Gene Smith said the league is discussing allowing teams to protect rivalries if a no-division schedule is implemented. Michigan would be classified as OSU’s historic rival, obviously, and Penn State would be the competitive rival.
Smith said no formal vote has yet taken place as to the schedule structure beginning in 2024, when UCLA and USC are scheduled to join the league. The Big Ten announced last week it will keep divisions for 2023.
I don’t qualify Penn State as any rival. Just a team I enjoy watching get humbled every year at the hands of the one true local team.
But I assume this game will stay on the schedule since the Big Ten ostensibly likes money. PSU and OSU always seem to play entertaining games that tease people into thinking the Buckeyes might lose this one before James Franklin turns back into a pumpkin.
Beating them in Happy Valley, though the stadium should be condemned, is always satisfying, too.
- YES, WE STILL HAVE TO PLAY NORTHWESTERN
The Wildcats are not good for the content game. Let’s say that much.
From Skye Swann of dailynorthwestern.com:
As Northwestern welcomes families and friends from across the country this Family Weekend, the football squad will face another heavy-hitter game Saturday in a primetime matchup against No. 2 Ohio State.
OK, a few things here. Why in the Hell would Northwestern schedule Family Weekend the same weekend Ohio State comes to town? I guess it’s not like they’ll be attending the game anyway.
Also, good to know that an 11 a.m. local kickoff is considered “primetime” in Evanston.
The Wildcats (1-7, 1-4 Big Ten) suffered a major setback last weekend on the road to Iowa during Halloween weekend, logging their seventh consecutive loss of the season. However, this weekend’s battle will be even tougher as they face Buckeyes’ starting quarterback C.J. Stroud and his magnetic offensive line.
“From a standpoint of quarterback play, I’m not sure there is anyone playing better quarterback than C.J. in the country,” coach Pat Fitzgerald said.
That is why Fitzgerald makes an untold millions of dollars a year to coach football. I also love the kind of syntax you get when coaches go into their bullshit shells.
From the standpoint of quarterback play… just say he’s the best quarterback in the country! It’s not hard to talk like a normal human.
- BACK AWAY SLOWLY, TERRY!
I understand growing up idolizing athletes, especially if you have the talent to make it to the League like Terry McLaurin did.
But there also comes a time when you realize that being good at sports does not make somebody a God. Hell, Marvin Harrison killed a ma—hold on, I’m being told Harrison is right over there!
Let’s hope Scary Terry—still salty we missed that nickname in Columbus, though he wasn’t that scary at the time—doesn’t take any weapons advice from Harrison.
- NEVER CHANGE, ZEKE
Zeke has always been… different. Both on the field and especially off. For example, I wasn’t surprised to learn that out of the entire Dallas Cowboys roster, it was Zeke that posted the Cowboys’ alternate Thanksgiving helmets on social media after being told not to post the Cowboys’ alternate Thanksgiving helmets on social media.
From tmz.com:
Dallas is scheduled to wear the white helmets and special uniforms for the food-filled holiday later this month — but the team had yet to officially show them off to the public. It seemed they were waiting for closer to gameday to ceremoniously unveil them.
But, it appears Elliott didn’t get that memo — and dropped a pic of his Turkey Day helmet right on his IG stories on Wednesday afternoon. The post was up for about one hour, before it was swiftly taken down.
Correction to TMZ: There is no such thing as “swiftly” taking down a post when you achieve Zeke’s level of fame. It doesn’t matter if it was up for .0001 seconds. That was more than enough time for the freaks to get their screenshots and earn 10,000 RTs on Twitter.
I don’t make the rules.
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