Breakfast Kegger: We Tryna Get Turnt With Mike

Hercules is playing football for ohio state.

Good morning Freaks and Freeloaders. Y’all know what day it is, and I’m happy to have my visitors here on that guest pass.

Let’s get to it.

  • TRYNA GET TURNT WITH MIKE

I feel like typically, defensive tackle is one of the least sexy, least interesting positions on the entire defense.

But when a dude’s out there eating opposing quarterbacks, throwing interior linemen around like ragdolls, drawing comparisons to a future Hall of Famer in like his second game as a starter, the position gets a hell of a lot more fun real quick!

Through two games, Mike Hall ain’t just a space-occupier, a run stopper or a block eater. He’s a damn superstar.

From Griffin Strom of Eleven Warriors:

“I thought it the first time I saw him go full speed against talented offensive linemen. Because it is rare. That first step is very rare,” Knowles said. “There are a lot of talented guys, a lot of strong guys, a lot of athletic guys, but the ability to get off the ball, it’s a split-second thing. And it’s just something that some guys have. He has it. … He has tremendous potential. He earns what he gets, I think sky’s the limit in terms of where he can end up.”

“Mike’s almost like a spark plug for the defense. Like, y’all see him out there like going crazy. We all feed off of that,” Harrison said. “It’s like nah, Mike turnt, we tryna get turnt with Mike. And it just feeds everybody else to make plays and stuff like that. … He’s explosive, like he’s got explosion like wide receivers, DBs.”

“We tryna get turnt with Mike,” feels like such a print-the shirts quote to me. I too would like to become turnt with Mike – even if it’s just from the safety of my living room or while comfortably buzzed in the C-Deck stands.

With two returning future NFL players at corner, a bunch of talented safeties, the various five-star defensive ends, and even some fun players at linebacker, no part of me would have expected a defensive tackle to be the star player that’s got fans all hot and heavy two games into the season. But I sure ain’t mad!

At the end of the day, people just forget that the quickest path to the quarterback is a straight line. If there’s a defensive tackle that can reliably get to him from the inside, that’s better than any edge rush you could ever conjure up.

Pretty cool!

  • HOME RUN HERCULES

I thought my aging eyes were just seeing things when I squinted from C-Deck and saw No. 19 Chip Trayanum back returning kicks for the Local Team instead of Emeka Egbuka on Saturday.

Turns out, my eyes were not deceiving me. Ohio State’s return man really is a reserve linebacker. But after listening to Emeka Egbuka hype him the hell up about it, I’m willing to tune in!

I love how he just casually mentions that the 230-pound linebacker nicknamed “Hercules” is also lowkey the fastest player on the roster, like that is just a very normal thing.

I’m here for it!

Honestly, I was extremely skeptical of adding Trayanum because it feels like successfully converting two running backs to linebackers in a matter of like two years just feels like too much to ask. But the more I learn about the dude, the more I realize that he’s got the physique of a Super Soldier you’d assemble in a lab.

On some level, he’s just impressive enough as a raw athlete that you have to sign him and figure out what to do with him later. Apparently this year, that means returning kickoffs. And I’m extremely down with that.

  • IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S US

Playing these non-conference buy games against hilariously overmatched opponents has always bothered me because it just feels like a complete waste of a football game. But Ryan Day’s out here trying to put my mind at ease.

From Bill Rabinowitz of the Columbus Dispatch:

“One of the things that we’ve talked about is it really doesn’t have anything to do with the team we’re playing,” the Buckeyes’ coach said Tuesday. “It doesn’t. It has everything to do with Ohio State. We’re Ohio State. It doesn’t matter who we’re playing, so it’s about the process. It’s about the way that we play.

“I tried to explain the other day that if you listen to the best pianist in America, you wouldn’t go to a bar and expect them to be terrible or take the night off. Or if they’re playing at Madison Square Garden, it all of a sudden changes. It’s the same way with us. It doesn’t matter what the stage is. It doesn’t matter what’s going on. We only have 12 regular-season games.”

I was prepared to hate this, but it’s actually just… spot on?

Listen, people pay to watch the Harlem Globetrotters do basketball all the time and it sure ain’t because they think they’re going to watch a close, competitive game. There’s something to be said about simply getting to witness greatness. And when you show up expecting to witness greatness and get anything else, you absolutely notice.

This is why I’m perfectly fine with fans being frustrated and angry after a blowout win. It’s not that you’re angry with putting another notch in the win column, it’s just that you know the team didn’t play up to its own standard.

It’s not entitled to expect the Bucks to win by 35 on Saturday. And it’s reasonable to get upset if it doesn’t happen. And that has absolutely nothing to do with Toledo and everything to do with Ohio State.

  • JA’MARR CHASE AND JUSTIN JEFFERSON AIN’T SHIT

Y’all remember that year when Ja’Marr Chase and Justin Jefferson combined for over 3,300 receiving yards with Joe Burrow winning the Heisman by bombing them passes every game?

Emeka Egbuka and Marvin Harrison Jr. want to run that back, but with different jerseys.

From Pat Murphy of Bucknuts:

“That’s something me and Marvin have talked about,” Egbuka said when asked about his conversation with his classmate on filling the void of Smith-Njigba and Fleming. “Coming in, the first day living together freshman year, we’ve always dreamed about playing at a high level together and kind of being like, I mean, I think we can be better than them, but kind of be like what Ja’Marr Chase and Justin Jefferson were at LSU. But when we knew Jaxon and Julian were down, we kind of had a little conversation but, we both know we were built for this. We’re here for a reason and I was just excited to play with him.”

I love the juxtaposition of Egbuka confidently explaining that they would like to be compared to the best wide receiving duo in college football history while simultaneously acknowledging that there’s a very real chance they’re the third and fourth-best receivers on Ohio State’s current roster.

Damn this receivers room is fun.

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