Welcome to the Free-Loader Kegger, our weekly tithe to the Church of United Buckeyes. As my partner-in-crime, Kevin Harrish, mentioned last week: This will be a Thursday tradition for those who want to huff fumes of our #content in the parking lot.
No judgment here. Doing drugs by a dumpster is a time-honored pastime in America. But I will say that you’ll have more fun this season by subscribing to Meet at Midfield.
That way, you’ll get every Breakfast Kegger, plus the work of a handful of other writers, and access to a college football forum that isn’t fertile recruiting ground for white supremacist groups.
- PATRIOT PUTS DAY ON NOTICE.
Ryan Day sat down with The Athletic for an interview you’d expect from a nice guy staring down the barrel of a season that could come to define his legacy at Ohio State.
It’s the kind of piece for a national audience looking for a refresher on Ohio State’s 2020 season and current conditions in Columbus. But diehard fans won’t learn anything new.
There is, however, one enlightening anecdote nestled into the article that you’ll miss if you skim.
From Ari Wasserman of athletic.com:
For the first time in his young career as a head coach, he has the passionate Ohio State faithful questioning him. He was heckled by a fan at a grocery store after the loss to Michigan.
I want to shake the hand of the man that heckled Day in the vegetable aisle at Kroger. People who get paid what Day gets paid (almost 10 million this season) should be held accountable whenever they fail to produce. By his own admission, Day knows 10-2 and a Rose Bowl over Utah ain’t going to get the bards singing your name over ales in Columbus. Day should have to answer for that performance in Ann Arbor every time he steps in public.
In Day’s defense, I do like how this story reveals that Day does his own grocery shopping. At least in the off-season. I don’t trust people who think they shouldn’t have to do their own grocery shopping. What are you, some medieval king who insists on sending servants to the market? Pick your own asparagus and carrots, brother!
This shows that Day is indeed humble. I also like that he’s still petty enough to recall getting bullied in a grocery store all these months later. I hope he lets those feelings fuel him in his season-long preparation for the Michigan game.
- KING AND THE PRINCE COMING TO THE SHOE FOR SHOWDOWN WITH IRISH?
I’ve been a LeBron James defender my whole life. I feel weird, unexplainable pride in sharing a state with the best basketball player in history.
Still, Ohio State fans who think LeBron would’ve attended Ohio State if the one-and-done rule existed are high on military-grade marijuana. LeBron was the biggest front-running sports fan as a youth—Cowboys, Yankees, Duke Basketball and Florida State football. That’s a combination usually only found in parody accounts on Twitter.
Bronny James, however, will actually have to pick a college. His odds of attending Ohio State are better than his father’s, but I doubt LeBron envisions sending his son to a university that can’t even make it out of the first round of the NCAA Tournament.
But hey, I could see Bronny coming to Columbus for free field tickets to the Notre Dame game.
From Joe Tipton of on3.com:
Sources have told On3 that Chatsworth (Calif.) Sierra Canyon four-star combo guard Bronny James, the son of NBA all-star LeBron James, is looking to visit Ohio State. The trip would likely be for the Buckeyes season-opening football game against Notre Dame on September 3rd, multiple sources told On3. Bronny’s trip to Columbus would be his first known college visit.
The visit is not set in stone, and could potentially change. It’s also unclear whether or not this will be an official or unofficial visit.
Sources have also suggested that LeBron himself is also hoping to attend the Buckeyes’ season-opener.
Gotta love reporting that Bronny is “looking to” visit, but nothing is “set in stone and could potentially change.” We don’t even know if it would be an official visit.
Did anything actually get reported? Who’s to say? I can’t get too mad about it if it means that LeBron will be on the sidelines against the vile Fighting Irish. There is zero chance LBJ would’ve gone to Ohio State, but I won’t stand in the way of Ohio State football peddling that lie to blue-chip recruits. That’s just good business, baby!
- MORE PROOF THAT THE AVERAGE FAN KNOWS AS MUCH AS THE AVERAGE SCOUT.
I love football because 90% of fans don’t know shit about it. I include myself in that 90%, by the way.
The margins might not be as high for professionals in the sport, but I would say even most of those people don’t know ball. Here’s another example bolstering my theory:
“There is quite a bit of talk.” OK? What kind of talking are we talking about here? If this is at a bar while six IPAs deep, that’s fine. I’ll accept that some person out there has a wrong opinion about a player on my favorite college football team, and I’ll move on with my life.
But if Smith-Njigba being a “fringe” Round 1 prospect is a serious belief among “NFL scouts,” then I’ll be lying on my résumé and trying to get a job in a franchise’s scouting department.
Hell, I may not even have to lie on my résumé, considering it looks like they’ll let any bum off the street rate prospects for a living.
- MEL TUCKER FRAUD ALERT? OH, BABY, IT’S ON.
When we last visited with Michigan State head coach Mel Tucker, he was trying to convince Spartan fans to invest in “NFTucks” in the name of charity.
This week’s hustle is an Associated Press soft focus piece about Tucker hustling his employer into financing his luxury lifestyle in the name of trying to impress fickle teenagers:
Having the inside scoop on the local football team and bilking your employer for free loaner cars and cigars is the dream of every college football fan over 15. I can’t hate on Tucker for making that vision into a reality.
From Larry Lage of associatedpress.com:
Tables were set up on the upper level of Tucker’s sprawling deck to display an array of cigars and bourbons while he hosted a small group of reporters to wrap up a long day.
While Tucker occasionally enjoys a cigar, sometimes in a room downstairs that is ventilated and decorated with a painting of him and Sparty, the school’s mascot, he is not an aficionado.
In what was called Cigar 101, the 50-year-old Clevelander peppered certified cigar sommelier Dillon Rodriguez with inquisitive questions.
“He wanted to know all kinds of things like how long it takes a seed to grow,” Rodriguez recalled Wednesday. “You would think guys at that stage in life wouldn’t have time for a little guy like me, but he listened to every word and gave me respect.
“After the reporters left, he invited me and the two people I was with to stay for a cigar and a pour. We would’ve loved to because he’s so down to earth, but we were on the clock.”
This is Bag Grabbin’ 101, folks. Tucker’s fawning media coverage will continue until Michigan State regresses on last year’s record. Then a lot of this stuff will get real hokey, real quick.
- CHILI’S (BABY BACK RIBS) PLANTS A FLAG ON HIGH STREET!
I try to avoid chain restaurants as much as possible. I make the exception for Waffle House and Chili’s. The former needs no explanation. As for the latter, it’s an affair that started a decade ago in the B-Concourse at Chicago O’Hare and only bloomed at the Chili’s Too at John Glenn International in Columbus.
You laugh about my tastes right until you taste that beer at Chilis Too the minute you clear TSA’s weak attempts to cancel you for bringing 16 one-ounce liquor bottles on a domestic flight. Suddenly you start to understand what Valhalla must feel like.
However, nobody will take an Uber to the airport for Chili’s after an Ohio State game.
Enter the Football Gods, which have heard our cries.
From Susan Post of columbusunderground.com:
Chili’s (Baby Back Ribs) will open its fourth area location this fall at 1400 N. High St. The Dallas-based chain will take up residence at mixed-use development Uncommon, which sits just north of King Avenue.
Representatives from Chili’s confirmed the restaurant is aiming for a Mid-October opening. The University Impact District Review Board has also approved wall signage for the new eatery.
Chili’s currently has three locations in Central Ohio – Hamilton Quarter near New Albany, Polaris and Dublin.
If you’re looking to move closer to Chili’s, the studio apartments above the restaurant will fetch $1,600 per month.
I love Chili’s as much as the next guy; that price still seems steep.
THOSE WMDs. 21 of the most Cleveland internet moments of all time… Your doppelganger is out there, and you probably share DNA… Nepotism stands in the way of college football diversity… The mystery of Florida’s cannonball-eating Spanish fort… How Harry Styles became the world’s most wanted man.