Many of the best weeks in college football’s recent history could be described, loosely, as “find the fun” weeks. Slates with big-name matchups at the top that… don’t exactly appear all that attractive, undergirded by the matchups that will come to define the week – so long as you know where to look.
Is Auburn-Georgia a compelling marquee in the 3:30 p.m. slot? Of course not. But UCLA-Utah sure is, and six other non-Georgia games can fill in the slot behind it. This is a week for the people who spend hours of their workplace’s time every day to learn more about the C-USA title race. And for the rest of you, this FBI Watchlist can help you fake it into some fun football.
The Radio Free Asia Tunes Of The Week:
Friday, Oct. 7
Guantanamo Bay
- UNLV at San Jose State, 10:30 p.m., CBSSN
Fresno State is without Jake Haener and San Diego State was just summarily executed by a Boise State program in peril. Hawaii and Nevada are two of the worst teams in college football. The MWC West division has exactly two teams without an existential crisis to face this week, and they’re playing each other on Friday night. What more could you want?
Most Wanted
- Houston at Memphis, 7:30 p.m., ESPN2
These AAC Teams Are Having A Mid-Off.
No-Fly List
- Nebraska at Rutgers, 7 p.m., FS1
The Big Ten is currently enmeshed in a good ol’ fashioned four-way suck-off, with Indiana, Nebraska, Northwestern and Rutgers all battling to avoid the scorn of being the worst team in the conference. Nebraska owns a tiebreaker over Indiana and could essentially free itself of the competition with a win here, despite its loss to Northwestern. Plus, Indiana-Rutgers in a few weeks is going to be the final head-to-head leg of the suck-off, so we should enjoy it while we still can.
Saturday, Oct. 8
Noon
Guantanamo Bay
- TCU at Kansas, FS1
Kansas and TCU are playing an October football game that 1. has real, actual stakes for the Big 12 title race and 2. features two unbeaten teams. These are two of the most exciting offenses in college football, and I’m going to watch every minute of this game. What a treat.
Most Wanted
- Arkansas at Mississippi State, SEC Network
It’s certainly not the biggest SEC West game of the day, but it’s absolutely the best. This game has a style clash on offense, two hungry football teams looking for a quality win and a relatively equal matchup of talent. It’s football for the football enjoyer, not the narrative merchant.
- Tennessee at LSU, ESPN
Tennessee is fresh off a bye week, with Alabama set to come to town, a buy game, Kentucky at home at Georgia on the road populating its next month beyond this game. If these Volunteers want to prove that they’re different than the last 20 years of Tennessee football teams, they can’t think about that right now. They need to go into a very tricky environment and beat a chaotic LSU team. Their season depends on it.
No-Fly List
- Oklahoma vs. Texas, ABC
Oklahoma and Texas haven’t met as unbeaten teams since 1998. That was the second such occasion in the first three years of their time in the Big 12 – it also happened in 1997, snapping a nearly 30-year streak. What better time for these two to jump to the best conference in football?
- Purdue at Maryland, BTN
This is a false ball-knowers delight. It’s a mirage, designed to pick off people who think they know ball, who distinctly do not know ball. This is not a battle of great offenses, it is a four-hour Charlie Jones exhibition counter programmed by Taulia Tagovailoa throwing screens and missing open receivers down the field by 20 yards.
Afternoon
The Abu Ghraib Game Of The Week
- Utah at UCLA, 3:30 p.m., FOX
I’m going to show you a chart – something I never want to do – to illustrate just how compelling this game is.
The X-axis here is offensive success rate, while the Y-axis is offensive explosiveness. These are the best offensive teams in the Pac-12 by an extremely wide margin. USC has earned much of the hype over these teams this season, but this is a true heavyweight fight and it deserves your full attention.
Most Wanted
- Texas Tech at Oklahoma State, 3:30 p.m., FS1
Oklahoma State gets a prove-it game as it hopes to establish itself as the favorite in a currently wide-open Big 12. A comfortable win here entrenches the Pokes as the team to beat. A loss casts the league further into chaos – though it does also make the all-Kansas Big 12 title game dream a little more realistic.
- ECU at Tulane, 3:30 p.m., ESPNU
These AAC Teams Are Having A Mid-Off.
- Toledo at Northern Illinois, 3:30 p.m., ESPN+
Despite its 1-4 record, NIU is essentially the same team that won the MAC a season ago, and it has a chance to reverse its fortunes by upsetting what looks to be the current favorite in the MAC West – a Toledo team that absolutely loves to eat shit in big conference games.
No-Fly List
- Auburn at Georgia, 3:30 p.m., CBS
Listen, Georgia looked like shit against Missouri last week. Maybe it will do that again. That’s the entire pitch.
- Kent State at Miami (Ohio), 3:30 p.m., ESPN+
Have you taken a look at the MAC East standings recently? I would not recommend it, so I’ll just give you the short version here: If Kent State wins this game, it is going to win the division by several games. If it loses, literally anyone can win it.
- Ohio State at Michigan State, 4 p.m., ABC
In their last five meetings, Ohio State has scored 216 points. Michigan State has scored 38. That’s an average margin of 43-8, with an unthinkable average yardage margin of 515-248. C.J. Stroud completed 32 of 35 passes for 432 yards and six touchdowns against the Spartans last season, and this season’s MSU secondary was absolutely shredded by Tanner Morgan a few weeks ago. This should not be allowed to air on TV.
- North Carolina at Miami (Fla.), 4 p.m., ESPN2
You have to be down so bad to watch this thing. Please don’t do it.
Evening
Guantanamo Bay
- Western Kentucky at UTSA, 6 p.m., ESPN+
Conference USA can claim exactly two competent teams, and they’re playing on Saturday. This game will kick off well before the rest of the night slot, and will perfectly fill in that early evening lull that most CFB slates have.
- Florida State at N.C. State, 8 p.m., ACC Network
This is a very fun offensive battle between two teams that need to re-earn the love of Meet at Midfield after disappointing us on the national stage. The winner gets to eat this week, the loser is sent into the woods.
Most Wanted
- BYU vs. Notre Dame, 7:30 p.m., NBC
Nothing says BYU vs. Notre Dame quite like the bright lights of Las Vegas. Fear and Loathing in Vatican City soon come.
- Iowa at Illinois, 7:30 p.m., Big Ten Network
Illinois has killed one Big Ten West coach for his crimes against offense. Can it claim a second, freeing us from the Hawkeyes and furthering the legend of Bret Bielema? Yes.
- Texas A&M at Alabama, 8 p.m., CBS
Let’s talk a little bit about CBS’ night games. This is the pick this season: Potentially the nation’s best team against an unranked Texas A&M group that has scored more than 24 points once in five games, against FCS Sam Houston State (31).
Last season, picking this same matchup paid off. Texas A&M pulled off a shocking upset in one of the games of the year. In 2020, Alabama-Georgia earned the early season billing in what would end a 41-24 Alabama victory, and CBS went back for more Crimson Tide at the end of the year for a 55-17 massacre of LSU.
In 2019, it went Georgia-Notre Dame – a 23-17 Bulldogs win. Notre Dame was again involved in the 2018 pick, a 44-22 win over Navy, while the second 2018 pick was a 29-0 Alabama blanking of LSU. That matchup earned the billing in 2017, 2016 and 2015 ending in a trio of Alabama wins, 24-10, 10-0 and 30-16.
It went back to Navy-Notre Dame in 2014, a 49-39 Fighting Irish win, before returning to, you guessed it, Alabama-LSU for a 20-13 Alabama win. Alabama beat LSU 38-17 in the 2013 game, 21-17 in the 2012 game and toppled Florida 38-10 in the first 2011 battle. The second was LSU’s 9-6 win over Alabama, which was flexed into the slot.
Alabama beat Florida again in 2010, 31-6. Florida knocked off LSU in 2009 and 2008, 13-3 and 51-21, enacting some revenge for LSU’s 28-24 win in the 2007 pick. Florida beat Tennessee 21-20 in 2006, just as they had 16-7 the year prior.In 2004, the first year of LSUfootball.net’s archived TV schedules, Tennessee beat Florida 30-28.
Across 22 games over 18 seasons, the CBS night game has featured eight one-score games – two in the last 10 picks – and touts an average scoring margin of 30-16. It has featured Alabama 13 times (11-2), LSU 12 times (2-10) and Florida eight times (5-3). Across nine Alabama-LSU matchups (its favorite), the Crimson Tide are 8-1 with an average margin of 26-11. Nick Saban’s program averages a 29-14 margin across its 13 appearances.
I say all of this as a setup for a singular statement: There is not an American institution doing less with more than CBS. It is uncanny how bad these guys are at picking games.
No-Fly List
- Air Force at Utah State, 7 p.m., FS1
Utah State has shown signs of life in two straight games and looked renewed offensively under the direction of new quarterback Cooper Legas. Air Force is currently the favorite in the MWC Mountain, but Utah State could very well snatch pole position with an upset here.
- Army at Wake Forest, 7:30 p.m., ESPN3
Look, this finished 70-56 last year. I’m not going to sell it as a good game. This is the thing to watch if you just want to see a bunch of points.
- South Carolina at Kentucky, 7:30 p.m., SEC Network
Spencer Rattler don’t throw a tantrum after your third interception in the first half challenge (IMPOSSIBLE).
- Washington State at USC, 7:30 p.m., FOX
USC has looked suspicious against zone-heavy defenses in back-to-back games, and Washington State touts a competent defense of its own. The Cougars would need a Cam Ward explosion to pull off an upset, but the Trojans are not the unbeatable force you may think if you only consume ESPN.
Late Night
Guantanamo Bay
- Fresno State at Boise State, 9:45 p.m., FS1
Most Wanted
- Oregon at Arizona, 9 p.m., Pac-12 Network
No-Fly List
- Oregon State at Stanford, 11 p.m., ESPN
I’m grouping all three of these because they’re all terrible. All of them. Unless you live on the West Coast or just want some background noise, you would be better served just going to bed.