On this Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for all my freeloaders choosing to use their mental capacity on my Internet words. I’m glad you’re here.
Now, pony up that cash and come boogie with us the rest of the week. We’ve got a rival to beat like a piñata.
- WALK THAT SHIT BACK
The surest sign that Michigan is completely fucked on Saturday is that Jim Harbaugh has completely pivoted from talking all that shit to walking it all back before he has to answer for it.
Remember that famous “born on third base” comment that he made after the game last year? Apparently, he actually didn’t mean it and it was Ohio State’s fault all along.
From my North High trivia partner Colin Gay of The Columbus Dispatch:
“It was definitely a counter punch by me to the comment of ‘They’re going to hang 100 on us,’ et cetera,” Harbaugh said. “Kind of like a Sugar Ray Robinson.
“The fact is, I think Ryan Day is a great coach,” Harbaugh continues. “I think he is a tremendous football coach. Truth be known, that’s how I feel. You can see it week after week with his team. He’s as good a coach as there is in football.”
Another contributing factor here is that Harbaugh clearly had no intentions of ever coaching another game against Ryan Day after making those comments.
But here we are. And Ryan Day still owes him a 100-spot.
- “ARE MY HANDS BROKEN? WHO’S TO SAY?”
When I was in college, I was honestly pretty surprised at how much the football players seemed like just regular students.
I spent my whole life idolizing the Buckeye football players. But when I grew up and went to school, I realized that they went to class, got rejected at bars, and passed out drunk in the middle of a free concert on the South Oval just like everyone else. They were just like me! Except when it became very, very clear that they were not!
For example, I have never in my life been “not sure” whether both of my hands were broken.
From my pal Dan Hope of Eleven Warriors:
The bandages and bruises on Tommy Eichenberg’s hands during Tuesday’s media availability at Ohio State provided evidence of the injuries he’s been playing through. With his words, however, Eichenberg downplayed any notion that those injuries should be slowing him down in any way.
Asked about those injuries Tuesday, Eichenberg repeatedly said his hands “feel good.” He said he was “not sure” when asked if his hands are actually broken, as Ohio State defensive end Zach Harrison indicated after Saturday’s win over Maryland, but said he’s never even considered not playing as a result of his injuries.
“It’d take a lot to stop me from playing, especially with this team, this defense,” Eichenberg said. “Everyone that’s still playing football right now, everyone’s battling different things. Everyone has pain every time they’re still on the field. So people have different things they got to deal with.”
I just want to make make sure we’re crystal clear – if I ever break both of my hands, I won’t be typing through the pain. I ain’t a hero.
- PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD
I don’t believe for a second that LeBron James would have attended Ohio State if he had gone to college. But just like every other journalist and writer covering the team, my opinions can be bought!
The reality is, I’m cheap. As long as LBJ continues to fund my team in the never-ending college football uniform and apparel arms race, he can claim anything he wants.
I don’t even know if LeBron is cool among the teens these days, but I do know that the last time Ohio State wore LBJ-branded cleats during a game against Michigan, Michigan lost in the most crushing way imaginable and the world got to watch Jim Harbaugh turn into a corncob on live television.
If these cleats bring that same juice, they should wear them every year.
EAT ARBY’S. Inside the lives of New York City doormen… A man was arrested for stealing from a Walmart he claims he owns… A hot dog vendor was stabbed in an alleged turf war with another hot dog vendor… How much alone time do kids need?… How I swam around the entire island of Great Britain…