College football coaches are very rarely denizens of high fashion and aesthetics. That’s fine. Their job is to win football games, and their physical appearance has very little to do with their capacity for winning football games. If you were in the market for a plumber, you wouldn’t need a headshot portfolio to make your decision; the same can be said for college football coaches.
As such, this sport has seen something of a de-evolution in the styling of its coaches, modeling the shift in American culture away from formal wear and towards function. It became increasingly apparent that wearing a full suit or even a dress shirt on the sidelines wasn’t especially necessary (or wise, in warmer climates) at some point, so coaches just… stopped doing it, opting instead for moisture-wicking jackets and shirts in the warm and sweaters or crewnecks when it gets colder.
This is fine. I wouldn’t want to wear a suit in Gainesville or Death Valley on a Saturday afternoon in September. In a job as active as theirs, comfort should take precedence.
But, coaches are still public-facing figures – perhaps the most public-facing figures in quite a few of this country’s states – and with that comes the occasional event that asks for a bit more work in the fashion department. University presidents and big-money boosters like to dress up and pretend to do important work, and sometimes they want to see their well-paid football coach do the same.
For whatever reason, annual conference media days constitute such an occasion. The Big 12 kicked off the festivities last week, and the SEC is next up. I see no better way to celebrate than with a comprehensive objectification of the league’s Leaders Of Men™.
No. 14: Josh Heupel, Tennessee
No. 13: Hugh Freeze, Auburn
It’s media days, Hugh, not the country club. And even if it was, they just let your ass back in! Can’t you try a little harder than this?
No. 12: Jimbo Fisher, Texas A&M
Jimbo gets the edge over Hugh because his pants match his jacket, meaning this could technically pass as dress wear if your standards are really low. But, it looks like he grabbed this coat off the rack because it does not fit at all, and his decision to go without a tie is disastrous. Dressing up is an effort in understanding your appearance and determining how to best present that appearance, and Jimbo hasn’t done any of that well here. He’s too schlubby to pull off a casual look like this.
No. 11: Eli Drinkwitz, Missouri
Everything above the shoes is really nice here. Eli’s jacket and pants fit well, his tie is great, and this would be headed for a top-tier finish if Missouri simply hadn’t posted a picture of the white and gold Jordans that Drinkwitz is wearing with an otherwise classic suit. You’re 40 years old and you look like a secondary character from Righteous Gemstones. It’s time to be serious.
No. 10: Zach Arnett, Mississippi State
This one is a real shame, and it can be explained very easily: Zach’s pants are too big for his little man body. The crotch is too low, the legs are too long, and it makes him look even shorter than he already is. The width of both the jacket and the pants would be totally fine, even on a shorter guy like Arnett, if not for those droopy pants.
No. 9: Mark Stoops, Kentucky
The first picture is about as unflattering as you can get, which is unfortunate for what seems to be an otherwise standard-issue fit from Mark Stoops. When he isn’t doing a T-pose, this jacket fits Mark’s very weirdly shaped body pretty well, and his pants look to be about the right width to match. The coat might be a little small, but it finds this spot on the list largely because there just isn’t much going on here, not for any major issues in how it fits. The colors are nice, the tie is nice, and the silhouette is fine, it’s just a pretty boring fit overall.
No. 8: Shane Beamer, South Carolina
This is a replacement-level fit. The pants are a bit tight, but the fit here is generally fine; as is the color choice. There’s nothing here worth feeling anything about in either direction.
No. 7: Kirby Smart, Georgia
I can’t find a single full-body image of Kirby from this event, so we’re going to have to go with a partial look, and the partial look is… pretty good! This coat is maybe a tad big and looks weird when left unbuttoned like this, but the cut around the shoulders and arms is really nice, and I like his call to go with texture over color. A fuzzy, patterned coat like this goes well with that bulkier black tie.
No. 6: Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss
Now HERE is a man who can pull off a more casual suit. Tan as ever, Lane goes with a classic summer look for a California man, breaking out a breezy light blue jacket (and a tastefully unbuttoned undershirt) with some well-fitting pants to match and a nice pair of loafers to keep everything nice and simple. This gets a ding because the sleeves are extremely wrinkled for no discernable reason, but Lane really knows how to make this kind of fit work.
No. 5: Brian Kelly, LSU
The creative room at the SEC media days is fucking with the color on some of these outfits, so I’m not entirely sure if this suit is purple (like in the first picture) or dark blue. Either one looks good enough to overcome white-soled shoes without socks. Kelly is wearing a slimmer suit as a bigger guy about as well as you possibly can here, getting a broad cut around the shoulders that slims as the coat trails down and pants that continue the effect.
I wouldn’t hate to see him go with something a little looser and more traditional, but he’s obviously comfortable with something a bit more modern and I think it works pretty well for him in this instance.
No. 4: Clark Lea, Vanderbilt
This is really sharp. Clark has gone with a very rigid fabric for his jacket, but he’s able to pull it off because the tailoring is sound and he’s athletic enough to leave some breathing room in what is still a pretty slim suit. The color goes great with a really cool black and gold tie and a lapel pin to patch, and when the coat is buttoned, this is a super nice, clean look.
Two things hold it back. Firstly, the tie is too short. He needs to keep his jacket buttoned so we don’t see that. And secondly, his sleeves are just a bit too long. With this kind of fabric, there’s not a whole lot of space to stay from tradition, and traditionally you want a little bit of that dress shirt sleeve to poke out at the end of your sleeves.
No. 3: Sam Pittman, Arkansas
Sam does not have it easy when it comes to finding a formal look that works for him. He’s a big man, an older man, and his options are further limited by a pretty obvious sensitivity to heat (he needs a dark coat that still doesn’t get too hot because he’s going to sweat through anything light).
Given the circumstances, he’s done a really great job with this. His jacket fits nicely and doesn’t try to hide the obvious (he’s a big guy, there’s no getting away from that), instead embracing a boxier form and carrying it all the way down his body with wider pant legs. His big collar and bulky tie give him nice continuity with that big-ass dome he’s got up there, and the simple color scheme looks really nice. Very, very well done.
No. 2: Nick Saban, Alabama
What can I say? He’s the king for a reason. Nick has been doing this for as long as anyone at this point, and he has it down to a science. This suit is tailored perfectly for his weird little body, and he has the exact right amount of flare, going with a subtle pinstripe and a wonderful red tie. He looks like a 40s New York gangster, and that’s exactly what he was going for.
No. 1: Billy Napier, Florida
God, this is just excellent. That asymmetrical knot on the blue tie pops beautifully as the star of the show, framed by a tasteful-but-adventurous light gray windowpane suit that fits well, capped off by nice light brown loafers. There’s no two ways about it – Billy looks so damn cool here. He took a risk and he nailed it.